September 13th, 1999 - Monday morning.

I passed Sunday in reorganizing things here at work. Not much had really changed nor had I expected it too. My staff is quite capable. My time with them has augmented their natural acumen in working with business and with people. I told Sangeeta that I wanted all new students run past me. She did not ask, as I knew she would not. While I do not think that any efforts into Boulder will be of the infiltration variety, I do not wish to be unprepared for that kind of assault. It would probably be more effective, given our level of preparation here. If fact, our level of preparation is quite low. We have become quite lackadaisical, I believe, due to the inordinate calm that Boulder has enjoyed for these sixteen years. Now that a threat could manifest itself I think it is of tantamount importance that we organize ourselves more efficiently, ready to stand as a unified front against those that would be sent against us. I know that this will be difficult, given the proclivities of those with whom I would work, but it could be done. On a more personal note, I feel that an orderly structure like this will be of enormous benefit to me. My faith in these things has been so sorely tested of late. I need something in which I can find refuge. In my duty I will find the familiar. That will lead me to the certainty I so calmly held. I was foolish. That certainty should have been something I cherished. I want to find it again.
    Feeling not in the best of spirits for this disheartening knowledge, I decided to do something that would, if nothing else, be a part of my honorable duty and render me more centered. I knew that he would not be pleased to hear from me so soon, my own reputation tarnished by association, but I could not avoid it. I called Laban-Lael, the Seneschal in Colorado Springs. As I had thought, his reception was cool. I explained to him my thoughts on Perry Urquhart and what I was requesting of him and he agreed to do what he could.
    But I do not think that he agreed with it. Why is that in honor there can at some times be such a lack of compassion? I believe that cold efficiency in my occupation is necessary and right. . . when the subject is deserving. But Perry is undeserving of Laban-Lael's categorical dismissal. He is the innocent who got trampled as the warriors fought around him, all the time unseen. I have considered taking this as an Oath, but I am not a Cherub and can not as readily sense or enforce this Oath. And I do not want dissonance. I believe that the time for an Oath is not now. If some time has passed and it looks like more direct interventions are necessary, I will see to it then. In the meantime, I think I need to wait and see if Laban-Lael's assistance will be enough. Even exposure to the holy aspects radiated from Elizabeth as a Soldier of Laurence might be helpful. I must be watchful.
    Shortly after I got off the phone Sangeeta called me in to interview my first new student. I was prepared to resonate immediately but found myself quite put back in shock. It was Matt. He was. . . yes, he was signing up to take lessons at my business. I found myself quite befuddled for several moments, trying to see what manner of practical joke this might be. I could not fathom it, although Matt seemed quite pleased with the idea, and I was forced to conclude that either the humor of it would continue to elude me, or Matt was there for some non-invasive purpose. Previously, I would have never thought the latter, but knowing him now through his own kindness and filtered through the knowing aura of Jael, I perceived his actions with new possibilities. Perhaps this was an effort at further camaraderie. I continued to consider these issues while I practiced with my new form in the back courtyard. The entire garden was immaculate (thanks to Matt's efforts) and enjoying the late summer we were having. There were many other birds there and I soon found myself engaged in their little fights for dominance and station. Due to the amount of forces in this constructed vessel I was faster and stronger than even the largest of them. This will be helpful if I ever run afoul of a cat while in this vessel.
    Strengths. I am certain that our party is replete with things that we could have been using more effectively in the past but were not. The narcotic which incapacitated me, for example. Probably it was some kind of plant derivative. Such a thing would have been extremely helpful with Victoria Strassen, when straight physical force proved insufficient. Why don't we have such things when we have a servitor of Flowers among us? And a Tether nearby? Beyond the mere utilization of resources, we need to work together more effectively. Do they even know the songs of which I am capable? I thought we should discuss this at the meeting that Giles has called for this afternoon.
    Unfortunately, things were not to begin or end very well at the meeting. First there was a rather unwelcome new assignment to the city. Dinhabah, the Elohite third of the Triad which had questioned Arabis in Colorado Springs. I was not unmindful of the fact that he had been the most helpful of the three but the emotions he evoked among the others of my group were not positive. And perhaps more importantly, why was he in Boulder? It would have been simple had his presence there been of a more temporary nature. However, he was being assigned a permanent role as a professor on campus. A Servitor of Judgment among us. That never bodes well and I felt that I would have to consider deeply on that issue in the future. In the meantime, finding the painful lack of any receptive presence, I decided to greet the man on the party's behalf. I assured him we would do anything we could to assist him and hoped he would keep us informed of anything he learned that was important. To that end, I asked about the Death tether in Littleton. He was not forthcoming with information and his delivery was particularly judgmental.
    "I was just thinking that as you had been assigned to query Arabis on the subject you might have been given some background information."
    "No, if there's something important I need to know, my Arch-Angel tells me. I know some of you, some of that background information you were asking about Rook. But not all," he said, looking at Bob. "You are unfamiliar to me, sir. What are your origins? Whom do you serve?"
    I noticed that Bob was uncomfortable with this attention. Little wonder since I now know him to be a Redeemed. I wondered whom he served, actually, but at that moment, and mindful of how my own requests had just been snubbed, I returned the favor.
    "If that information were important I am sure that your Arch-Angel would inform you."
    No one said anything for a few moments and I felt a peculiar satisfaction that I had stopped Dinhabah's persecutional habits. Finally, Arabis broke the silence by moving to shake the man's hand, saying, "I wish you the best."
    "And you. And Arabis, I hope you would let me know if Arnu contacts you again."
    "So long as it won't result in an automatic Inquisition."
    "No, of course not. Arabis, you are an angel. You're on our side."
    "And you're on ours."
    And then he left. I was glad for it and I believe that most assembled were. Giles had already left to do something else so I took the opportunity of having us all together to call a meeting of our own group. I distributed phones without incident and got through the pagers fairly smoothly, a few piercing looks from Jael, and then made it to the subject of Songs and security devices. Arashiel and Matt were fairly blithe about the Songs, as I had shared my own, but before it got any further Arabis spoke up against my plan.
    "I don't believe it is wise to tell you our abilities. What if one of our group gets captured and then this information falls into their hands through interrogation?
    Was that a barb pointed at me because of my recent encounter?
    "That kind of information, on the Tapestry, an artifact or an other unknown power would really be bad," Arabis continued.
    Was that it? She did suspect that I had given them information? Was she criticizing me for my lack of strength in resisting them, my lack of intelligence in failing to elude them? I could feel the muscles of my jaw knotting against these inadequately veiled attacks.
    And then Jael joined her.
    "We're don't operate the same way that you do, Rook. Did you ever think that maybe we don't want to share our abilities with you? Our abilities aren't things that you can manage and arrange. And what makes you think you have the right to tell me that you are going to put security cameras and stuff in my shop?"
    "I never said that I was absolutely going to do it. It was merely a suggestion, Jael."
    "And I'm just supposed to do it because you say I should!"
    Fine, I thought. Fine. I could not think correctly at that moment, and clarity fled me. I try to take complete chaos. . . oh, creative chaos to be sure, and turn it into something that will SAVE OUR ASSES but no, oh no. Can't have that! Can't have anyone's precious freedom trodden upon. Far be it from us to succeed in our mission. And they were such good ideas! How could she. . . I mean, they. . . how could they be so blind to this fact. Fine. She wanted to be able to work independently. . . I had been independent for years now and could play that game too. Still, my honor nagged at me. I should continue with the parting of news. No need to allow myself to play the way infernals do just because they choose to do so. The road to hell is lined by the trumpets of independence and free-spirits. So, I told them of my geas and my intention to remove it. I had intended to ask them to accompany me but that thought was now as full a part of history as the much vaunted and always-remind-Rook-of Purity Crusades.
    Well, my revelation garnered an explosive and just as hurtful reaction from them.
    "You tell us that we have to work together as a group and now you're going to go off to the borders of hell all by yourself!" Jael cried, abrasively.
    "No, I will be taking Arashiel with me, if she is willing. Arashiel is quite capable in the Ethereal realm," I answered, very angry at this moment. "I have said all that I need to."
    And I left.
    What in Heaven made me think I could work with these creatures? Their names are not lauded in the annals of historical battle. It is not to them that God looks when the forces of hell must me stopped. No, it is to Creationers and former Habbalah that God looks for paintings, porno and POTS! Oh, such a contribution, those! Yes, let's protect humanity with pottery! Yes, let's find salvation for their souls in bunny ears and massage oil. Eeeeh, I HATE it!
    I would go and see to getting my new Force and then be off to take care of things myself.
    "Ah Rook, back so soon. What are you so pissed about?" Michael asked and I found myself very pissed at that moment, indeed.
    "I do not get pissed, my Lord. I am here because I require a new Force."
    He wove the new Force into me in silence. I was grateful that he asked no more for if he asked, I did not think I would be able to explain myself. Even then, though his touch blessed me with each moment, my heart still pounded in anger at their attitudes and their betrayal. . . was it that? I could not -
    "Where are you off to?"
    Oh.
    "I am going to enter the Far Marches in an effort to remove this geas from my being."
    As he said nothing more, I left to return to Boulder and take care of things. Unfortunately, I encountered Jael and Arashiel on the way out and the former decided to follow me. A few minutes later, after a tense, unbroken silence, we were in my car on our way to the Board.
    "I can't believe what you tried to pull in their today, Rook. That stuff is not your business. We are not pieces for you to move around on some chessboard. We are not War. . . perhaps you haven't noticed that we don't work the way that you do."
    "Believe me, I have not failed to notice," I replied, coldly amused that she could have thought any of this pathetic troupe could be considered so worthy.
    "Then what's with the attitude? You can't order us around. And that security stuff. . . are you a Cherub? Do you think you know how to do my job better than I do?"
    "I would hardly presume to tell someone who's age has given them so much more experience how to do their job," I replied.
    She didn't say anything and I dug my fingers into the steering wheel to keep from saying more. The burn from that original comment had not lessened for me.
    "Do you want me to drop you off at the Painted Pot?" I asked.
    "No, I don't. I'm going to stay right here and annoy you."
    "Fine," I spat, parking the car in front of the Board with a jump. I spoke with Sangeeta and told her what I wanted, though my mind was neither with that information nor the human woman before me. What I wanted to do at that moment was leave Jael sitting the car for a day or so and see what good trying to annoy me would do. How childish. Why would she choose to annoy me more than she already was? I had to return to the car, however, since I had a mission to tend to. . . something solid that I could handle without getting permission or lamentations from those around me.
    "You talk to us about being cohesive and working together and then you go running off on some personal and dangerous mission into the Marches. You have no right to do that."
    "Perhaps you're right then, Jael. I was wrong to try and make us into a functional group that could stand against an organized horde of demons. Let's just do our own things and act as individuals. And as far as the Marches go, that's just what I'm going to do."
    My eyes saw the world in a red fury and soon I was in front of Arashiel, hardly aware of how I had gotten there. "You're time would be better spent in research, Arashiel. I will not be needing your assistance. Thank you."
    But no. . . they were following me. I could hear them speaking behind me, though I could not make out what. I descended to get away from them but they were right behind. What, were we children on a playground playing tag? I had made my decision, using Jael's own model for serving God, and I would not have her preventing me from doing so. So, I got in the car and sped away, leaving them behind and unable to readily follow. I parked the car, took on my bird vessel and returned through the Tether to Heaven. They would have no idea that I had done this and might think to return to the Board were they so intent on finding me. That would give me time to get underway. . . and they would never think to look for me in the Bazaar. It is a very un-Rooklike place and, indeed, I have gone there less than five times. But I had business there today.
    As I sought out the item I needed, I pondered deeply. Why was this happening? How could my entire world, so calm and well-structured less than two weeks before, have come to naught so quickly? How could nine centuries of duty and comprehension be so blasphemed? I came to no conclusions by the time I had found what I was looking for and negotiated a price. Seeing no further reason to delay, I set out. The Song I had acquired would prevent me from getting lost as well as guide me unerringly to my destination. I had little hope of success, but I had to do something. I could not. . . absolutely could NOT accept having this geas upon me. With each wing stroke it burned in cackling derision.
    Sadly, my little hope for success proved to be, in reality, non-existent. There was no one who would help me in terms that I could understand and accept. I could not merely approve of any trade that presented itself. In so doing, I could have rendered myself worse off then before. The creatures were fantastical and nor entirely unfamiliar to me. But their place on the earth had ended before my creation and so I was not knowledgeable enough to be able to predict or negotiate sufficiently. In the end, I had to turn back. My will was not broken, but I had could not risk further time in these outward lands without additional research.
    And then Arashiel joined me.
    I could not believe that she was there, her great pegicorn form in multitudes of colors reflected by the false moon of this strange land. I was instantly angry with her for following me but covered my emotions a moment later.
    "How much is this worth to you?" she began. "I want you to be successful."
    "How did you find me here?"
    "Listen, I want to help you!" she insisted.
    I would not speak to her because I did not want her help and because, worse, if I allowed myself anything other than to concentrate on my flying I had a feeling I would come to a conclusion that I did not want to reach. I could feel echoes of Beleth dancing along the edge of my mind, both due to my proximity to her and because of the intensity of emotion that threatened to break through my control and overwhelm me. I did all I could to push them back. I could not even enjoy the luxury of being angry with Arashiel at that moment. I do not know what might have happened.
    "There are worse people with whom you could negotiate a trade to dispose of the thing," she finished, finally, and peeled off.
    And I returned alone to Heaven. I presume. Who knows how many of them might have followed me, laughed in contempt behind me with each failure. Ah yes, let's watch the unimaginative, anal retentive Malakite and his marvelous negotiation skills. I had wanted to do this by myself, to expunge my shame and failure myself and return to the Rook I could respect. No, they had to change that into a farce, a comical jest for the coffee tables of the serene who live in ignorance of the threat I daily defer. I could hardly think now, my mortification compounded by this. I returned home.

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