Mission Log, Day 14, Thursday, September 16th, 1999
My rest in front of Jael's pottery kiln ate up the early hours of the morning, and by the time I roused myself the sun had already made its appearance. Indecision gnawed at me; where to go, what to do, how to further my mission, and I fidgeted about the living area with a rising sense of frustration.
As I wandered, I noticed a note affixed to a television that read, "I'm with Rook. Shut up." No signature, no date. It could be anyone, anytime. After all, Arashiel now served War, and she could need some instruction. But my hunch said it was probably Jael's handwriting. It seemed to further the Jael-Rook relationship theory, but certainly proved nothing. I made a little face, then shook my head and resolved to do something besides stand around here gnawing on my limbs, deriding my capabilities as a servitor of Fire, and driving myself mad wondering what those two were up to.
I ended up near Pearl Street, determined to see that red car again, but for all I knew it drove
by a dozen times, so caught up in thought was I. What if Jael and Rook were emotionally and physically engaged? What business was it of mine? Surely not every angelic relationship resulted in a Fall, or even hurt feelings, right? But that dull knot clenched tighter in my stomach, a reminder of how very personally I regarded the situation. None of my business. Don't want to know. None of my business.
Arnu.
His name rang unbidden; when I closed my eyes, I could still feel his flesh against mine, soft and warm, smelling of sweat and dinner, as raw and sharp to me as if we'd only slept together yesterday. But those thoughts never came to me untarnished anymore, now irreversibly mangled with memories of that little room deep within the Bastille, and the years that followed. I shuddered, forced such things from my head violently, opened my eyes for fear of getting lost in them. Ground. Good ground. Sky. And cars. I walked on, willing my stomach to relax.
Useless, this whole business. That red car, the shelter...of no use at all in solving Gabriel's puzzling prophecy. I was wasting my time, grasping at shadows, yet I had nothing else to go on. I repeated the prophecy to myself, tried to make sense of it in light of what I already knew, but eventually stopped when my head began to hurt.
The vibration of the phone box. A call from Jael, telling me the others would be meeting at the Painted Pot soon to discuss some new ideas with Rook. I swallowed the urge to ask her where she was last night.
The main topic seemed to be the new celestials in town; the Lilim Adrienne, Dinhabbah, the Triad of the Game, and even Bob. We didn't learn much, but I started thinking about the prophecy again so I swallowed my pride and asked for their help in solving it. I was actually a little relieved that no one knew what it meant any more than I did. Someone suggested the Lilim might be involved, or the Game, or even other angels, but after much discussion on neutrality, chaos, choice, and soul-selling, we were no closer to an answer than before, although Rook insisted that it had to have something to do with me and Boulder specifically. I resigned myself to doing some research on the matter Upstairs.
On a far more interesting note, Rook let slip that Bob was once infernal. It made sense, when I thought it over, but why did everyone know but me? Were they actively hiding it from me? Did they suspect I would react violently? I was actually glad Bob wasn't there; I'm afraid I let my irritation show, and he would have taken it the wrong way.
Since Adrienne taught class at that time, I went to the Tether with some of the others to ascend, but first paused to speak with Giles, whom I hadn't seen since the Lilim took up residence. In addition to asking about information on any "seller of souls," I asked if he could track a car to its owner like Laban-lael (maybe) and whether I could do penance at the Tether anonymously. He told me to meet him at the front doors early the next morning when the library opened. I was grateful for his help, but couldn't think of a way to tell him without sounding completely idiotic, so I just ascended.
Arashiel followed me, and I soon learned why; she wanted me to know that she suspected the "one who would not choose" was Jael, who was walking wounded since Irad's Jump and quite possibly remained an angel only because she hadn't chosen to Fall.
I found this information far more disturbing than you could possibly know. Jael was a central figure in the dynamics of this group, a rock of reliability. If she toppled, then another of us might, and another.... Too much to deal with right now. I told Arashiel I would mull it over.
My research on the seller of souls turned up a lot of human mythology, most of it completely useless, but I did read a book called "Faust." Anyway, no luck.
I returned to the Tether after dark, managed to evade Adrienne and slip out the door. I lurked outside the shelter for some sign of trouble, finally gave up in the coldest hour before dawn and made my way to the Painted Pot and picked the lock to let myself in. Yet another useful skill of this vessel. Still no sign of Jael, or Arashiel. I stoked up the kiln and settled in to rest. Soon it will be time to go to meet Giles for whatever penance he prescribes to set my heart right with the Symphony. I hope it's something interesting.
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